Friday, December 31, 2010

Do I really need to do this ?

Reflecting on the past, history that has been written not so long ago: 12 months of back tracking the experiences. Good and bad, happy or sad moments which I came across throughout the entire journey of living the year 2010.

Eager to leave ?

Roughly less than 21 more hours, goodbye this year. Perhaps I'll do it in a chronologically manner. Split it and organize it month by month as it would be easier for me to reflect, easier for you to catch up. Take it as a get-to-know me entry.

So here it goes, life in 2010, month by month.

January: Officially done with my degree, no plans at the moment to further my studies. Pretty much relaxed the whole first month of the year while preparing for the Chinese New Year celebration. Did my resume, hunted for jobs and prepared for possible interviews.

February: Chinese New Year mode. Excited as after so many years, finally I can celebrate the whole 15 days with my beloved family. A short month, but then attended a lot of interviews.

March: Still not done with job hunting. Attended few more, finally couple of agencies offered me the position. In a dilemma, since the previous December, I have been deciding whether to work in my hometown or to come back to KL for my career. I made up my mind, I chose KL. Better agency, more opportunities. Though struggling, it's a lesson that I need to learn. Started my first job.

April: Laptop got stolen, same goes to my digital camera. The place that I was temporary staying got broken in. Sad, but life goes on. Being cut-off from the Internet (except from when I am at work). Met a guy, and fell in love.

May: Learning a lot at work, been busy. Still in love with that guy, slowly I got to know another guy. Well, just call them Plan A and Plan B. Plan A asked me to go slow, but later on realized that he is already attached. Chemistry with Plan B, slowly developing each day. Chatted with him almost every weekdays. Got myself a new laptop.

June: Thought of giving up on Plan A as there's seriously no future. Plan B made the move, asked for my phone number (I guessed it's nothing remarkable). I am thorn between the two plans I made. Towards the end, slowly I let Plan A go.

July: Drifting away from Plan A, but then he called. Asking me why I didn't call/text him anymore. Plan B wise, slowly getting closer to him. I am madly in love for the first time. Plan B came, we met for the first time. That night was 'awesome'. But it never lasted,  I confessed too soon.

August: Got no plans. Heart-breaking news, dad met with an accident. Wasn't able to make it, left us on the scene. I felt the grief deeply in my heart, cried. I have lost a father. In the midst of the wake, Plan A called, sending his condolences to me and my family. Was touched by it. Told Plan B after a week, suddenly he cared for me.

September: Carrying on life without a father. Slowly, learning how to cope with it. Mom is doing alright, siblings stay strong together. Putting love/relationship aside, focusing more on myself.

October: Traveled back and forth to attend prayer ceremony for my dad. Met with Plan B again, but just a casual outing. Having more feeling towards him. Was he the rebound guy that I needed to move on from Plan A ? Friends asked me to just cut both Plan A & Plan B completely off. Truth is, it's not that easy to let go.

November: Me and Plan B at its peak (at least from what I am feeling). For 2 weeks, never really felt that kind of connection before. Second attempt, I asked again. This time he said both of us are like far apart. This relationship won't work. I accepted the answer given. Devastated and sad. Each day, trying to move on from the two guys I loved. Career wise, was looking for a switch. Just too much to handle, but that's life I supposed.

December: True colors shine. Plan B was not the guy for me (he is happily dating right now). I don't know, perhaps he wasn't really into me. Feelings being played ? Glad to know the whole truth. On and off, still keep in touch with them. Stay friends with both Plan A and Plan B.

Well, that's a brief summary to the year 2010. A lot that I have been through, proudly I can say that I am a grown man now. I have learn to become more independent, take caution when it comes to love and personally sort of achieved almost what I wanted to achieve initially.

A pat on my back, thank you 2010 and goodbye. Take care.

*Pa, we'll always be missing you.

3 comments:

A said...

Informative post! Been ages since I left a comment here.

I'm sorry about your dad. *hug*

I guess you've had a hard year. Hopefully 2011 will be better than 2010 since you seemed to have learnt a lot.

Happy new year =]

alvin_t said...

in 2011 .. u will have PLAN C D E ..

Chen Xing said...

@A: Thanks. Positive that it will be better.

@alvin_t: Well, let's of that one of it will work. Not so many plans though.

Heheh...