Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The truth is, I think I am his secret lover. No one has to know, but me myself is pretty sane enough to realize that it's just another session in bed. Does it makes me cheap, a slut or a whore ? I can't really tell. All I know is that when I am with him, his presence keeps me happy and somehow affects how my heart is beating. Beat of my life or not, it's too soon to tell.

It's been a month and not really a lot he know about me. It's not that I am not willing to share, but sometimes he feels cold. Reluctant to show that he cares. I still like him anyway. I have fallen for him, and I don't how further deep I'll go. I might be afraid that when I reach the bottom, no one is there to catch. In the end, that's how devastation will destroy my sanity.

It sucks to be the third party, home-wrecker or whatever you want to call it. I don't want to but then I guessed he should have said more during the first time. At least I know how to back off and control my feeling. Feeling of me towards him. Can't stop me from falling for him, it's my first time and the first time was good. He said things will change, although not so soon.

Do I trust him ? Wait for him or I should have just move on ? I am stuck again. Unable to control my feelings, missing him every moment - wanting his hug and cuddle. His kisses to me, organic and I believe there's something in it.

To keep on chasing or just play along ? It's not the norm, but I got no choice but to break free and find some happiness for myself.