No big event had happened. But then somehow yesterday night, I went all out. A little crazy than usual, very euphoric moment. Drama and catching up again.
So I was at Changkat yesterday evening for dinner and to catch a glimpse of Leona Lewis. Not a big fan, but then it's just so rare that you can see an international celebrity in the streets of Malaysia, performing live. She belted out most of her unknown songs to the crowd, but then towards the end of her performance, I actually sang along.
Once that's up, headed to Marketplace. Met up with another from of mine, and chatted a lot on what's happening our lives - past, present and future. Danced a lot, sat down and grooved again. Still not over with the club music, now I am blasting my ears with beats from DJ Tiesto.
So here's the thing. As usual going to the club, it's like diving into a pool of superficial being. Though as much as you want your personality to speaks for itself, at a glance a lot of the guys out there really acted cool. I don't know perhaps it's easier to be that way than to go all out social butterfly. I mean, if that's how they are projecting then how are they going to mingle and make friends? Just a thought.
I was chatting with a friend and we realized that, recently lots of heteros also into visiting rainbow club such as Marketplace. I mean, it's alright for them to go but then no offense but then do bare in mind that it's a fabulous place to be so you got to maintain poise. You see, we overheard a group of straight girls criticizing on the friendly gestures we gay people have. Apparently, they were just so disgusted with gay couples touching and kissing.
It's like hello, G-A-Y club. Don't really care as they were just random visitors to the club. Probably quenching their thirst of bi-curiosity or simply expanding their knowledge on the gays.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Let's Play Dress-up
Tonight, will be the night.
Before hitting the club, I would probably drop by Changkat to catch a glimpse of Ms. Leona Lewis. Yup, she is in town for an event and hopefully I'll be able to see her.
That's not really the highlight of the day, as I think the most important thing here is to go out and have great fun with friends or alone. It's the weekend, and it's been quite sometime since I hit the club.
So since it's like Halloween, I am pretty sure interesting ensemble of "fashion" people will definitely put on. I am just so eager to see the costumes. As much as I wanted to play dress up, somehow not in the Malaysian scene. It's just very odd looking.
Few looks which I would like to pull of are Cher, Lady Gaga, Superhero (any of them, ranging from those in Marvel or DC) and also a Geisha look - lots of role playing to do. All because it's the time where you are allow to showcase your inner diva. Boys will like to be girls, and girls would like to be boys.
It's alright to mix it up for once.
So are you playing dress-up tonight?
Before hitting the club, I would probably drop by Changkat to catch a glimpse of Ms. Leona Lewis. Yup, she is in town for an event and hopefully I'll be able to see her.
That's not really the highlight of the day, as I think the most important thing here is to go out and have great fun with friends or alone. It's the weekend, and it's been quite sometime since I hit the club.
So since it's like Halloween, I am pretty sure interesting ensemble of "fashion" people will definitely put on. I am just so eager to see the costumes. As much as I wanted to play dress up, somehow not in the Malaysian scene. It's just very odd looking.
Few looks which I would like to pull of are Cher, Lady Gaga, Superhero (any of them, ranging from those in Marvel or DC) and also a Geisha look - lots of role playing to do. All because it's the time where you are allow to showcase your inner diva. Boys will like to be girls, and girls would like to be boys.
It's alright to mix it up for once.
So are you playing dress-up tonight?
Friday, October 29, 2010
Banana, So to Speak
Should I be envied to those who knows how to read in Chinese?
I don't know. I am proud to say that I am a Chinese (and being gay, yeah!!!), the blood just flows in me. Very typical, but I just don't know how to read in Chinese.
You see, I am a little conscious or would I say very sensitive when it comes to communication. So when I see someone had written something in Chinese, I will tend to Google translate it. Well, that's to the fact that it has got something to do with me and depending on the level of the communication it directed towards me. And again, those translations won't really that accurate after-all and most of the times I got even more confuse after reading through it.
So, if I am curious should I just ask someone who knows how to read in Chinese to just translate for me? Or continue using Babel fish and try to make the meaning sounds logical? How do I interpret?
Hmm, munching on a banana right now and thinking about this.
I don't know. I am proud to say that I am a Chinese (and being gay, yeah!!!), the blood just flows in me. Very typical, but I just don't know how to read in Chinese.
You see, I am a little conscious or would I say very sensitive when it comes to communication. So when I see someone had written something in Chinese, I will tend to Google translate it. Well, that's to the fact that it has got something to do with me and depending on the level of the communication it directed towards me. And again, those translations won't really that accurate after-all and most of the times I got even more confuse after reading through it.
So, if I am curious should I just ask someone who knows how to read in Chinese to just translate for me? Or continue using Babel fish and try to make the meaning sounds logical? How do I interpret?
Hmm, munching on a banana right now and thinking about this.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Love Game
Are you feeling sick and tired of playing this game?
Every time when you turn on the web messenger, or even when you log in to your Facebook account, you will hope that he will just comment on your wall or post up something sweet just for you. Or, you would just wait for him to initiate a chat so that you all can catch up on what's happening in your daily life.
Daily is a little obsessive, once in a while I just hope that he will be the one that sparks the conversation. Not portraying that I am being desperate, but then most of the time I'll be the one messaging him or at times visit his Facebook page quite very often. And when he didn't reply me, I started to make silly assumptions. All just because I said that "I like you" and you are still not ready.
I guess I just wanted to know you more. That's all.
I am aware this has been turning into an unhealthy obsession. It plays with your emotions and it really drains your energy out. Gosh, here am I not feeling well and questioning myself whether this is an actual problem worth worrying about.
Should I throw the dice now, and see where it takes me to? Or simply wait for the next player to make the move?
Every time when you turn on the web messenger, or even when you log in to your Facebook account, you will hope that he will just comment on your wall or post up something sweet just for you. Or, you would just wait for him to initiate a chat so that you all can catch up on what's happening in your daily life.
Daily is a little obsessive, once in a while I just hope that he will be the one that sparks the conversation. Not portraying that I am being desperate, but then most of the time I'll be the one messaging him or at times visit his Facebook page quite very often. And when he didn't reply me, I started to make silly assumptions. All just because I said that "I like you" and you are still not ready.
I guess I just wanted to know you more. That's all.
I am aware this has been turning into an unhealthy obsession. It plays with your emotions and it really drains your energy out. Gosh, here am I not feeling well and questioning myself whether this is an actual problem worth worrying about.
Should I throw the dice now, and see where it takes me to? Or simply wait for the next player to make the move?
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Eyelid
"The eyes are the nipples of the face", phrase taken from the movie House Bunny.
Got to admit that naturally, I don't have double eyelids. What's worst, it's like a 50:50 thingy. Every time when I wake up, my right eye tend to look very tired and not flattering at all to the face. It's always the left one will give me the double eyelid, whereas the right one just plainly lazy.
So in order to perfect things up, I got to fake it in order to show a balanced set of eyes. For me to do that, I bought the double eyelid stickers thingy. Put it on, for about a day. Then take it off, you will have double eyelids for about week. Just repeat the cycle when you see that the effect is gone.
Trust me, it does wonder. At least by putting on the stickers, it open up our eyes hence making it bigger. Don't worry as the stickers are actually transparent, hence it will not be that noticeable unless it's a close up.
Now, from today onwards I got to start observing which other guys are using the stickers. Who knows, maybe some straight guy might be using it as well.
Oh gosh, just love that piercing look.
Got to admit that naturally, I don't have double eyelids. What's worst, it's like a 50:50 thingy. Every time when I wake up, my right eye tend to look very tired and not flattering at all to the face. It's always the left one will give me the double eyelid, whereas the right one just plainly lazy.
So in order to perfect things up, I got to fake it in order to show a balanced set of eyes. For me to do that, I bought the double eyelid stickers thingy. Put it on, for about a day. Then take it off, you will have double eyelids for about week. Just repeat the cycle when you see that the effect is gone.
Trust me, it does wonder. At least by putting on the stickers, it open up our eyes hence making it bigger. Don't worry as the stickers are actually transparent, hence it will not be that noticeable unless it's a close up.
Now, from today onwards I got to start observing which other guys are using the stickers. Who knows, maybe some straight guy might be using it as well.
Oh gosh, just love that piercing look.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Cuddle
Can't deny this, but then cuddling proves to be much more satisfying than sex.
Home or hetero, you engage in sensual cuddling with your partner. Liking it? Yup, indeed. It gives you the warmth, tender loving care and the feeling of being wanted. Cuddling is just so perfect, and you just don't really have to talk much as the action speaks for itself. Damn, got to admit that I am a big fan of fond cuddling.
Here am I preparing myself to go bed but then longing for someone to cuddle me right now. Will the feeling be much greater if you were to cuddle in bed? Or on the living couch while watching the television? In the car perhaps? I don't know, all I know for sure is that cuddling is another great way in securing a stronger relationship between you and your partner.
It's not always about sex!
Home or hetero, you engage in sensual cuddling with your partner. Liking it? Yup, indeed. It gives you the warmth, tender loving care and the feeling of being wanted. Cuddling is just so perfect, and you just don't really have to talk much as the action speaks for itself. Damn, got to admit that I am a big fan of fond cuddling.
Here am I preparing myself to go bed but then longing for someone to cuddle me right now. Will the feeling be much greater if you were to cuddle in bed? Or on the living couch while watching the television? In the car perhaps? I don't know, all I know for sure is that cuddling is another great way in securing a stronger relationship between you and your partner.
It's not always about sex!
So for those with their special someone right now, cuddle all night long and go to bed together. Just so sweet. Till then, I am cuddling my pillow once again till I have someone to cuddle with.
Have a great night everyone! And cuddle sleep tight.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
My Wish List
Christmas is not really around the corner, but my birthday is. Err, very soon but I don't really expect anything. Seriously my friends, nothing fancy. Expensive dinner? Great gifts? I am okay without it. What's compulsory for me would be a cake and some candles for me to BLOW.
Hehehe..
Since my birthday is just around the corner, I think I am allowed to make few wishes. Well, just to keep myself happy and on track with things I want to achieve. Whether it's a short term one or long term, it's good to put your dreams into words so that it can be eternalized and materialized.
So here it goes, I wish for...
That's all for now! What a wishful thinking...
Hehehe..
Since my birthday is just around the corner, I think I am allowed to make few wishes. Well, just to keep myself happy and on track with things I want to achieve. Whether it's a short term one or long term, it's good to put your dreams into words so that it can be eternalized and materialized.
So here it goes, I wish for...
- A great holiday getaway. Not sure to where but then my ultimate destination, will have to be New York. I have never been out from this country, and it would be great for me to see the world. Hopefully I get to share this wish with my family or perhaps someone special which at this point I can't really tell you who he is yet.
- An über-cool messenger bag. Not that I need it for work as I already got myself a bag cater specifically for work. I need one that I can use it when I am out socializing. Or during my weekends outing, at least with it I can store more things and to use it as an accessory. Been searching for it high and low, and for a while now. Just too expensive for my wallet, those that are in the store.
- New sets of clothes. Yes, it's always about fashion. If my colleagues aren't getting bored with the fashion show that I put on to work everyday, I think I am. There's a limit and I think the fashion that I have right now can last till end of this year. When it comes to next year, I am hoping for some new clothes to pull-off and to make it work.
- Facial products or perhaps gym membership? The complexion on my face is not good, and I have a slim size-zero body. As much as I am of a runway material, sadly my face isn't. Not really that appealing, and I find my eyes odd-looking. Tried many many products, but my face still with that many flaws. Any good recommendation or perhaps who can sponsor me to a laser treatment? Sometimes I wonder, whether people stare at me because of my strong features or simply because they find my face a little too "unique" to look at.
- Lastly, a boyfriend. Fairy godmother would probably yell at me as you can't just simply wish for a boyfriend to puff out of nowhere. This I got to admit that I will have to put some effort in it. Hence I am very determine to go out there and meet more people and make more friends. But then fairy godmother, if you are out there then do make it a dream come true for me. Hehe..
That's all for now! What a wishful thinking...
Friday, October 22, 2010
Blank Screen
Staring at the computer screen for hours.
That's what I've been doing for the past weeks. Feeling very uninspired, no drive and motivation in my work. Again I ask, what's the whole purpose of me working? Is it the job that I am not happy about, am I not learning or there's no room for me to grow. I am pretty realistic and I am aware that whatever feeling of uncertainties I am facing right now can be resolved soon, as this is just a phase.
At certain point of your career, especially when you are just starting out, you bound to face this dilemma. The feeling of wanting to give up, quit or maybe trying to get into another company. I am not sure.
Happy, because I am actually liking what I am doing. Learning? Not really as I don't think so I am receiving a sincere guidance from my superior. Somehow I am feeling that I am not using my talent up to the maximum. Being new in this industry, there are so many things that I want to explore and being exposed to. Just the matter of right time, right place and the right person?
Staring at my laptop screen for hours, again.
That's what I've been doing just now. Feeling inspired and determine to update my resume. Not really sure when to use it neither am I planning to leave the agency. Just waiting for the right time, right place and the right person to come.
That's what I've been doing for the past weeks. Feeling very uninspired, no drive and motivation in my work. Again I ask, what's the whole purpose of me working? Is it the job that I am not happy about, am I not learning or there's no room for me to grow. I am pretty realistic and I am aware that whatever feeling of uncertainties I am facing right now can be resolved soon, as this is just a phase.
At certain point of your career, especially when you are just starting out, you bound to face this dilemma. The feeling of wanting to give up, quit or maybe trying to get into another company. I am not sure.
Happy, because I am actually liking what I am doing. Learning? Not really as I don't think so I am receiving a sincere guidance from my superior. Somehow I am feeling that I am not using my talent up to the maximum. Being new in this industry, there are so many things that I want to explore and being exposed to. Just the matter of right time, right place and the right person?
Staring at my laptop screen for hours, again.
That's what I've been doing just now. Feeling inspired and determine to update my resume. Not really sure when to use it neither am I planning to leave the agency. Just waiting for the right time, right place and the right person to come.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Web Socialite I Am
Social Media. Yes we know it. With the rapid growth of web-base technology, we as fabulous human being living in this world got no choice but to catch up with it.
It changes very fast, giving us no time to reflect on what was the "in" thing in the world wide web but to always adapt to the changes swiftly.
When it come to this, social media or the web thingy, I am proud to say that I am no dumb-blondie here. Thanks to the work that I am doing from day to day basis, I am happy to learn about this portion of my life.
You see, I view social media as a tool to popularize your presence or a way to market yourself to the public. Well, being in the advertising line, I got no choice but to constantly put pressure to always sell yourself. That's the priority. To sell with creativity. Sometimes you just got to fake it, in order to make it.
Facebook:
It used to be Friendster from the yesteryear. I dumped Friendster for Facebook if not mistaken 5 years ago. I use Facebook to showcase my personal image. I got to say, during my times in college, I made it a compulsory act for me to change the profile picture constantly so that people will know that I am up-to-date. I am sincere in my postings, and from Facebook, you can really gauge who I am really is. Still closeted in Facebook, no intention to come out yet for at least the near future.
Blog(s):
Blogspot, Wordpress or Live Journal. Honestly speaking, I am currently managing 2 blogs. One is like closeted blog which I have been blogging ever since the year 2006 and till this year, I have decided to just create another blog - which is this one. Well, this blog gives me more freedom as I don't really have to encrypt every postings like what I did with the first one. My first blog, it's a little neglected right now as I am focusing in building up this blog. I am just so free, as I don't really want couples of reader to really really know about my private rainbow life. Hence the creation of this rainbow in me blog.
Twitter:
Uses it, but not that active as I believe you update your twit status when you are on the go. If you update it via the web, then what's the point. You might as well log in your Facebook or blog to give a status update.
Planet Romeo/Fridae/Axcest:
The top 3 most used gay social networking website by me. Just the same as Facebook, but then I am all out in it. I used to be very anonymous during the initial years of me using the sites but then now, I don't give a damn on it anymore. I am coming out and I want to be happy. Not sure, should I like go sign up on every gay social networking sites available in the web?
So now, aren't we much more self-conscious when it comes to this cyberworld than the reality?
It changes very fast, giving us no time to reflect on what was the "in" thing in the world wide web but to always adapt to the changes swiftly.
When it come to this, social media or the web thingy, I am proud to say that I am no dumb-blondie here. Thanks to the work that I am doing from day to day basis, I am happy to learn about this portion of my life.
You see, I view social media as a tool to popularize your presence or a way to market yourself to the public. Well, being in the advertising line, I got no choice but to constantly put pressure to always sell yourself. That's the priority. To sell with creativity. Sometimes you just got to fake it, in order to make it.
Facebook:
It used to be Friendster from the yesteryear. I dumped Friendster for Facebook if not mistaken 5 years ago. I use Facebook to showcase my personal image. I got to say, during my times in college, I made it a compulsory act for me to change the profile picture constantly so that people will know that I am up-to-date. I am sincere in my postings, and from Facebook, you can really gauge who I am really is. Still closeted in Facebook, no intention to come out yet for at least the near future.
Blog(s):
Blogspot, Wordpress or Live Journal. Honestly speaking, I am currently managing 2 blogs. One is like closeted blog which I have been blogging ever since the year 2006 and till this year, I have decided to just create another blog - which is this one. Well, this blog gives me more freedom as I don't really have to encrypt every postings like what I did with the first one. My first blog, it's a little neglected right now as I am focusing in building up this blog. I am just so free, as I don't really want couples of reader to really really know about my private rainbow life. Hence the creation of this rainbow in me blog.
Twitter:
Uses it, but not that active as I believe you update your twit status when you are on the go. If you update it via the web, then what's the point. You might as well log in your Facebook or blog to give a status update.
Planet Romeo/Fridae/Axcest:
The top 3 most used gay social networking website by me. Just the same as Facebook, but then I am all out in it. I used to be very anonymous during the initial years of me using the sites but then now, I don't give a damn on it anymore. I am coming out and I want to be happy. Not sure, should I like go sign up on every gay social networking sites available in the web?
So now, aren't we much more self-conscious when it comes to this cyberworld than the reality?
Monday, October 18, 2010
Music
I draw a lot of inspirations from music.
Few friends asked, what's the drive that keeps me going on living the life I am having right now. Not complete yet, as there are many more things which I want to achieve. I am just starting out, and in fact I am now starting to enjoy life and making each day counts.
Whenever I am feeling down, sad or depress, I will turn to good empowering music. Songs that are meaningful and relate-able to my situation. And when I am happy I turn on the happy tune and making it my companion in that scenario, something I can share my joy with. It's like music is big part of my life, and I am pretty sure it does impacts you a lot. What's more in common, being gay, music is embedded into your soul. That's why we are just so inseparable with it.
You go to clubs, you groove to the melody instantly.
Different genre for different kind of mood. Perhaps I am the kind of lonely person and music would be my greatest companion in my life till I have someone to share my life with.
Among the kind of music that keeps me going are: pop, dance, trance, new age, electro-pop, acid jazz and I am admitting that I am a big fan of our cultural & traditional tune. That's where I draw most of my inspiration from whenever I am developing my creative artwork.
Care to share the soundtrack of your life?
Few friends asked, what's the drive that keeps me going on living the life I am having right now. Not complete yet, as there are many more things which I want to achieve. I am just starting out, and in fact I am now starting to enjoy life and making each day counts.
Whenever I am feeling down, sad or depress, I will turn to good empowering music. Songs that are meaningful and relate-able to my situation. And when I am happy I turn on the happy tune and making it my companion in that scenario, something I can share my joy with. It's like music is big part of my life, and I am pretty sure it does impacts you a lot. What's more in common, being gay, music is embedded into your soul. That's why we are just so inseparable with it.
You go to clubs, you groove to the melody instantly.
Different genre for different kind of mood. Perhaps I am the kind of lonely person and music would be my greatest companion in my life till I have someone to share my life with.
Among the kind of music that keeps me going are: pop, dance, trance, new age, electro-pop, acid jazz and I am admitting that I am a big fan of our cultural & traditional tune. That's where I draw most of my inspiration from whenever I am developing my creative artwork.
Care to share the soundtrack of your life?
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Stop Bugging Me, Please!
I am mad and quite pissed right now. Writing this entry, I am constantly reminding myself to keep my poise and try not to be so trashy. Not being the bitch here but then the problem just gets on my nerves.
Fuck off!
If you think that I can be a sugar daddy to feed you candy all day long, then think twice please. I am not that kind of person. To be honest, I am tired of contributing things and I would appreciate for once that you can do something grateful to the place that we are cohabiting in, without actually affecting me.
Do you think I like to boss around when it comes to house chores? I am no momma here, and grow up please. Sometimes, just get the act together automatically when the time comes. No point making people angry and then only act upon the forgotten responsibilities. What? Do you cum when I get angry or frustrated?
At times I thank you for your kind help. But then for most of the time, you are just so annoying.
Oh gosh, why do I even care writing about this anymore. I am GAY-er than you and if you can, then by all means please outwit my inner gayness will ya?
Go get a life!!!
Fuck off!
If you think that I can be a sugar daddy to feed you candy all day long, then think twice please. I am not that kind of person. To be honest, I am tired of contributing things and I would appreciate for once that you can do something grateful to the place that we are cohabiting in, without actually affecting me.
Do you think I like to boss around when it comes to house chores? I am no momma here, and grow up please. Sometimes, just get the act together automatically when the time comes. No point making people angry and then only act upon the forgotten responsibilities. What? Do you cum when I get angry or frustrated?
At times I thank you for your kind help. But then for most of the time, you are just so annoying.
Oh gosh, why do I even care writing about this anymore. I am GAY-er than you and if you can, then by all means please outwit my inner gayness will ya?
Go get a life!!!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Duets
I watched Glee latest episode few days back. Season 2, episode 4 titled Duets. What can I say, by far this would be my most like episode ever. The songs featured, the storyline. I can relate to it easily.
From hot guys to interesting plot, I am just all over this episode as there is nothing satisfying than good music to entertain my soul after a long day at work.
Cutting short the typing, let me just share with you the few songs featured in it.
And just like the last song, happy days are here again, so get happy. Hopefully.
Go watch it!
From hot guys to interesting plot, I am just all over this episode as there is nothing satisfying than good music to entertain my soul after a long day at work.
Cutting short the typing, let me just share with you the few songs featured in it.
And just like the last song, happy days are here again, so get happy. Hopefully.
Go watch it!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Looking For ?
I know I have been stressing myself for sometime to search for a relationship. It came to a point now that I am tired of it and I question myself, do I want to force it to come?
But then again, I got a question here and hopefully it can guide me to this crazy little thing call love.
A lot says, opposite attracts. Do you think so? Always, people tend to look for someone who can be their other half. Someone who complements each other. So if you are beautiful, your partner will be ugly. If you are good looking, your boyfriend will tend to be the shadow of your looks. Hmm..now I am thinking. Personality wise, appearance wise. If we are so much in the opposite direction, then are we match made in heaven then?
Some will say, look for someone who you can actually relates to. In terms of characteristics and behaviors, so that two of you will have lots of fun sharing the wonderful moments which you are living on together, together. So meaning, if you are good looking then your partner will be handsome, if not at least look hot as a couple. If you are smart, then he must be intellectual but then not in a way that you will feel it directly. If you are extrovert, then he must be very sociable.
So tell me, positive positive or positive negative, or negative negative or negative positive here?
Ponder on this.
But then again, I got a question here and hopefully it can guide me to this crazy little thing call love.
A lot says, opposite attracts. Do you think so? Always, people tend to look for someone who can be their other half. Someone who complements each other. So if you are beautiful, your partner will be ugly. If you are good looking, your boyfriend will tend to be the shadow of your looks. Hmm..now I am thinking. Personality wise, appearance wise. If we are so much in the opposite direction, then are we match made in heaven then?
Some will say, look for someone who you can actually relates to. In terms of characteristics and behaviors, so that two of you will have lots of fun sharing the wonderful moments which you are living on together, together. So meaning, if you are good looking then your partner will be handsome, if not at least look hot as a couple. If you are smart, then he must be intellectual but then not in a way that you will feel it directly. If you are extrovert, then he must be very sociable.
So tell me, positive positive or positive negative, or negative negative or negative positive here?
Ponder on this.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Slow
My Internet connection seems pretty slow nowadays.
I swear that for a page to load, I can have few quickies and one perfect moment of passionate love making session. Don't really know what's causing the line to be slow. Blame it on me for delaying a couple of days in making the payment, or it is simply just that bad.
This explains the short hiatus of me from the blog sphere. Every time when I try to update an entry, I was unable to load the page.
Don't worry, more updates coming right up.
I swear that for a page to load, I can have few quickies and one perfect moment of passionate love making session. Don't really know what's causing the line to be slow. Blame it on me for delaying a couple of days in making the payment, or it is simply just that bad.
This explains the short hiatus of me from the blog sphere. Every time when I try to update an entry, I was unable to load the page.
Don't worry, more updates coming right up.
Monday, October 11, 2010
True or False
The only way for us to let go of memories, in relating to relationship or love or something close to it, is to:
- Delete all sms-es or text messages sent by him to you. With that, we will not look at the messages over and over again which is not really helping us to move on as we are constantly being reminded of the connections we used to have. All the sweet moments that won't last forever.
- Delete his profile from all your social networking sites. Hard to do, at least it will cut off the most indirect communication we had with him. Won't be able to know his latest status, his latest where about, what he is up to or simply how he looks like now with the latest photo upload.
- Delete his phone number from your phone. So that we will not have the urge to call or send him text messages.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Yesterday
Whatever I am facing right now, all those unhappy moments, I am letting it go. At least in the phase of trying.
It's just so yesterday. Past. History. Will not let it repeat.
For the sake of my own well-being, I must at least for the moment not to over think. It kills. I don't want to fantasize and I seriously want to work on something that is worth putting effort in. Not getting the answers that I want. Darn, feeling tired and fed-up of chasing dreams.
Not giving up yet, but just need a rest right now.
Dedicating the music video below to certain few people/experiences, making myself stronger in the end.
Can't embed the video, watch it here.
Click here for the lyrics.
It's just so yesterday. Past. History. Will not let it repeat.
For the sake of my own well-being, I must at least for the moment not to over think. It kills. I don't want to fantasize and I seriously want to work on something that is worth putting effort in. Not getting the answers that I want. Darn, feeling tired and fed-up of chasing dreams.
Not giving up yet, but just need a rest right now.
Dedicating the music video below to certain few people/experiences, making myself stronger in the end.
Can't embed the video, watch it here.
Click here for the lyrics.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Papa Can You Hear Me ?
Recently, I have been reminiscing on the memories I had with my father. Though it has been a month since he left us, I am still slowly accepting the fact that he will no longer be with us.
A lot of people, friends especially, asked how I am doing. To be frank, I am alright. I mean there is no point for me to parade my emotions in front of the public - they won't really understand my feelings. I just reflect, every time before I go to bed I will think of my beloved father.
Am I still in the mode of being shocked by the reality? I think so.
It's been pretty rough year for me thus far, though couple more months till it ends. I just can't wait for this year to be over and be done with it. I had enough of it and I just need a fresh start all over again.
I will always be missing my dad. He helped me to grow as a man, a lot. Though his teachings given to me weren't that direct. He played an important role in my life.
True enough, what mom said. There are lots more things we wanted to do with dad. But then, life now just took a complete turn. We are slowly coping life without a father, or to my mom without a husband.
We are alright. Taking in your last piece of advice to me, I just got to hold on there and be strong. This will always be kept closely to my heart!
Thanks Pa.
A lot of people, friends especially, asked how I am doing. To be frank, I am alright. I mean there is no point for me to parade my emotions in front of the public - they won't really understand my feelings. I just reflect, every time before I go to bed I will think of my beloved father.
Am I still in the mode of being shocked by the reality? I think so.
It's been pretty rough year for me thus far, though couple more months till it ends. I just can't wait for this year to be over and be done with it. I had enough of it and I just need a fresh start all over again.
I will always be missing my dad. He helped me to grow as a man, a lot. Though his teachings given to me weren't that direct. He played an important role in my life.
True enough, what mom said. There are lots more things we wanted to do with dad. But then, life now just took a complete turn. We are slowly coping life without a father, or to my mom without a husband.
We are alright. Taking in your last piece of advice to me, I just got to hold on there and be strong. This will always be kept closely to my heart!
Thanks Pa.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Reserve
It's getting really late and I am still barely asleep. I got to work tomorrow, but then somehow I wanted to blog about this.
I have been thinking. Honestly on all the possibilities in love.
I wanted it very much but then again you don't really get what you want in life that easily. You just have to work hard for it. Plan A gave me love, but then I'll have to make it with him. Plan B on the other hand, gave me love but then without a clear sign. So now, I am torn between the love given by both of them.
At this moment, I am focusing on Plan B.
1. It seems that we express ourselves more openly through web messenger. When we met, you seems to be very quiet and I am always the one who sparks the conversation. Help me out here, I am running out of topics.
2. I know we used to do all the sweet-chatting, all the flirtation through the messages we sent. I like it very much but then now, you aren't giving me any of it anymore.
3. This blurs my signal and my senses. I know I like to be pampered. And for you to treat me most of the time, I am glad that you are the romantic kind of person and like to take charge. But then, I need to know the intention. Once in a while, do let me return the favor as well.
4. I think I need to know you more. Come on and share with me your thoughts, feelings and emotions. I will always be there for you and honestly, I really want to understand you.
5. I must be aware that I am in no position to force you into loving me simply because, you are still not ready. But my question is, when will you be ready?
All I am asking from you is not to be so reserve.
I have been thinking. Honestly on all the possibilities in love.
I wanted it very much but then again you don't really get what you want in life that easily. You just have to work hard for it. Plan A gave me love, but then I'll have to make it with him. Plan B on the other hand, gave me love but then without a clear sign. So now, I am torn between the love given by both of them.
At this moment, I am focusing on Plan B.
1. It seems that we express ourselves more openly through web messenger. When we met, you seems to be very quiet and I am always the one who sparks the conversation. Help me out here, I am running out of topics.
2. I know we used to do all the sweet-chatting, all the flirtation through the messages we sent. I like it very much but then now, you aren't giving me any of it anymore.
3. This blurs my signal and my senses. I know I like to be pampered. And for you to treat me most of the time, I am glad that you are the romantic kind of person and like to take charge. But then, I need to know the intention. Once in a while, do let me return the favor as well.
4. I think I need to know you more. Come on and share with me your thoughts, feelings and emotions. I will always be there for you and honestly, I really want to understand you.
5. I must be aware that I am in no position to force you into loving me simply because, you are still not ready. But my question is, when will you be ready?
All I am asking from you is not to be so reserve.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
That Night & That Weekend
That night and that weekend, 2 moments I am with you. Though those moments went by quickly, I felt the tender love given by you. It seems that you were interested at first but then in the end, you weren't really ready yet.
I tumbled, and I got myself fallen into darkness. Heart broken into million pieces, nothing I can do. No one can help. I regretted for that one stupid move which I made. I moved too quickly, jumping into the question that I think you wanted to avoid. Blame me, and I am sorry.
I hope you weren't scared by the question, or simply me. It's not few days of conversation we had, but then we chatted for almost 3 months, right before that incident which caused the chemistry between us to dissolve. Now, weren't that enough for you to at least give me the answer? Oh yea, you did. You said you weren't ready.
Every now and then, I use to recall the night we had. I ponder on the memories when I am sad, I fantasize when I am depress and I think of you when I am lonely. It came to me that we were not that connected anymore, till recently.
Recently, we met. I am glad you text me. At least I know, you still care. Perhaps in a different way, not the way how I want it to be. Awkward to see you at first, but then I felt the connection all over again.
Does that mean there is a second chance to love?
I tumbled, and I got myself fallen into darkness. Heart broken into million pieces, nothing I can do. No one can help. I regretted for that one stupid move which I made. I moved too quickly, jumping into the question that I think you wanted to avoid. Blame me, and I am sorry.
I hope you weren't scared by the question, or simply me. It's not few days of conversation we had, but then we chatted for almost 3 months, right before that incident which caused the chemistry between us to dissolve. Now, weren't that enough for you to at least give me the answer? Oh yea, you did. You said you weren't ready.
Every now and then, I use to recall the night we had. I ponder on the memories when I am sad, I fantasize when I am depress and I think of you when I am lonely. It came to me that we were not that connected anymore, till recently.
Recently, we met. I am glad you text me. At least I know, you still care. Perhaps in a different way, not the way how I want it to be. Awkward to see you at first, but then I felt the connection all over again.
Does that mean there is a second chance to love?
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Note to Self
Dear Me,
Slutty! Slutty! Slutty!
You must not be thinking this way. How can you expect yourself to be in a steady, fantasy come true relationship when all you think of is the "fun-time" after every meeting/outing?
The one thing right now is to just go out there, make friends and expand the network. Though you have been told that you can be faithful, a lot actually said that keep the options wide open. Hence, the need of getting to know new people.
I know, mix-feelings and confuse. Don't really know what to do, but then please, having sex is not the same as having a relationship. So, take tonight to think about this and hopefully when you wake up tomorrow you will really know what the next step is.
Till then, bare in mind that we are not to give up hope on love. Don't ever force it, it will come when you are ready for it.
From,
Me
Slutty! Slutty! Slutty!
You must not be thinking this way. How can you expect yourself to be in a steady, fantasy come true relationship when all you think of is the "fun-time" after every meeting/outing?
The one thing right now is to just go out there, make friends and expand the network. Though you have been told that you can be faithful, a lot actually said that keep the options wide open. Hence, the need of getting to know new people.
I know, mix-feelings and confuse. Don't really know what to do, but then please, having sex is not the same as having a relationship. So, take tonight to think about this and hopefully when you wake up tomorrow you will really know what the next step is.
Till then, bare in mind that we are not to give up hope on love. Don't ever force it, it will come when you are ready for it.
From,
Me
Monday, October 4, 2010
Forever & A Day
I am not sure with you, but then I am attracted to hot guys & club music. Every time when there's a beat in the song I will tend to groove. Whenever there's a club/trance/dance music, I feel very alive. It's like the tune is part of my blood, and I am pumping the gay heartbeat.
Click here for my latest obsession. I am overly excited and a little crazy as I am looping this song over and over again. Hehe..
Damn, I miss sexy sultry dancing & clubbing. Oh my, social fun time!
Click here for my latest obsession. I am overly excited and a little crazy as I am looping this song over and over again. Hehe..
Damn, I miss sexy sultry dancing & clubbing. Oh my, social fun time!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
The Therapist(s)
Whether you know it or not, somehow being gay you are naturally tend to be very expressive. No matter where you are, who you are with - you will just try your very best to voice out your thoughts. May it be opinions or problems that you are encountering, it's good to just let it all out.
So throughout the course of me trying to live a fabulous gay life, I always talk to couple of people whenever I feel the need in me to express.
It all started in high school where a few of your BFFs will usually be your lending ears. As much as they loved to listen to what I got to say, once in a while their comments seems to be helpful. Memories still fresh in my mind where we used to chat on the phone. Not a short conversation, but then it spans till hours long.
Ouch, my ears hurt but then worth the talk. Without the constant phone conversations, I think I wouldn't be where I am today. We reminded each other on our dreams, got inspired by each others tales, shared the sorrow and pain. Somehow, I find all of it therapeutic.
Time changed, but then conversation still remains the same. Once in a while we talk about the good old days, and then move on to the future.
Today, I still find myself comfortably talking to the same few therapists in my life, though I don't really know one of them personally.
So throughout the course of me trying to live a fabulous gay life, I always talk to couple of people whenever I feel the need in me to express.
It all started in high school where a few of your BFFs will usually be your lending ears. As much as they loved to listen to what I got to say, once in a while their comments seems to be helpful. Memories still fresh in my mind where we used to chat on the phone. Not a short conversation, but then it spans till hours long.
Ouch, my ears hurt but then worth the talk. Without the constant phone conversations, I think I wouldn't be where I am today. We reminded each other on our dreams, got inspired by each others tales, shared the sorrow and pain. Somehow, I find all of it therapeutic.
Time changed, but then conversation still remains the same. Once in a while we talk about the good old days, and then move on to the future.
Today, I still find myself comfortably talking to the same few therapists in my life, though I don't really know one of them personally.
Friday, October 1, 2010
You Should
It's something like a dare or a sympathy. We take it as a sign of hope when we encounter failure just to make ourselves happy and satisfy. You know you should, but somehow you didn't.
So, you left comments in my Facebook wall. Not really sure what sort of signal you are trying to send out but then somehow I am interpreting two sets of messages here. According to your last comment, this is how I see it:
1. I should be moving on and stop disturbing your life. How sure are you that I am still clinging on your affection? To be honest, I have been controlling myself pretty well. Although there's this urge to call or text you, somehow I manage to get over it as I am constantly being reminded that it's just a phase. Once I can slowly let go, then I can move on completely. After all, up till today I still can't figure out what do you really really want from this "friendship".
or
2. I should be having fun, with you of course. Whenever I am feeling lonely, depress or sometime horny, I should be calling you so that you can comfort me. I know you are sincere and you will always try your best to give me advice whenever possible as I am aware that you are busy with your work. I know I can just talk to you and then be happy in the end. I will have to admit that whenever I am see you, I am happy. Sounds cliche, I know. Imagine what would my life be when I am really with you?
So tell me, should I be seeing it from number 1 point of view or perhaps number 2?
So, you left comments in my Facebook wall. Not really sure what sort of signal you are trying to send out but then somehow I am interpreting two sets of messages here. According to your last comment, this is how I see it:
1. I should be moving on and stop disturbing your life. How sure are you that I am still clinging on your affection? To be honest, I have been controlling myself pretty well. Although there's this urge to call or text you, somehow I manage to get over it as I am constantly being reminded that it's just a phase. Once I can slowly let go, then I can move on completely. After all, up till today I still can't figure out what do you really really want from this "friendship".
or
2. I should be having fun, with you of course. Whenever I am feeling lonely, depress or sometime horny, I should be calling you so that you can comfort me. I know you are sincere and you will always try your best to give me advice whenever possible as I am aware that you are busy with your work. I know I can just talk to you and then be happy in the end. I will have to admit that whenever I am see you, I am happy. Sounds cliche, I know. Imagine what would my life be when I am really with you?
So tell me, should I be seeing it from number 1 point of view or perhaps number 2?
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