My Project Runway

OMG!

I am running out of clothes to wear for work. I am getting bored of all the selections, all the possible mix-and-match pieces which I have put together is getting really really routine-based. I am sure my colleagues think so that I am not working the office runway anymore. What to do, I am in the state of emergency and sometimes I do wish that my work place introduce uniform to all staff so that I don't go around every morning cracking my head on what to wear.

I've been caught repeating the almost same outfit twice in a week by a colleague. Guilty, guilty and at the same time feeling embarrassed.

SOS!

In need of cash to get new clothes, new shoes, new bags and new accessories.

Anyone kind enough to lend me a hand? I want to own the office runway once again.

I want to walk, pose, sashay and be in vogue.

Hop Hop Hop

Gaining whole new insight.

Previously, I am managing a pretty decent blog expressing my thoughts from a closeted gay boy point of view. That blog, resides around my college-life drama as well as "encrypted" gay life encounters of mine.  Now that I have decided to take blogging to another chapter, I have decided to just start fresh and to blog as a happy (though at times not so happy) rainbow man.

Fabulous, I know. So, I was chatting with my friends the other day and came to know about this blog. Now, I'll have to admit that I am blog-catching all the entries. Not quite done yet as there are many more entries for me to read. Somehow it got me thinking that one can be really expressive when they put their thoughts into words.

Honestly, I stumbled his blog quite sometime ago. Only that I didn't really go click on it and read the content. I only follow couple of blogs, and to be honest those that I follow are normally my closes friends blog. Starting the second blog, still see me following closely to a handful of blogs only. To sum it up, as I was blog hopping once a upon a time I stumbled upon his blog.

Friend got me hyped up, so now I am catching up on what you have written and trying to learn from your life.

Friend's Day

It's been quite some time since we hang out together as a group.

Take few girls gays, and put them together. Remarkable to see the topics of conversation we engaged in. Oh okay, was talking about my outing with my BFFs.

Friend's day, I supposed.

Yesterday's catching-up was all about self-empowering and inspiring each other. From the crazy idea of putting our lives on film and to be made into a movie till spilling out saucy confessions, I had fun. Talking to each other never been that fantastic.

We headed out to the gay hub in the city, Pavilion. Dined and hang-out there most of the night. As usual, we managed to find comfort at Starbucks for our coffee and chat session. Perfect setting for a tell-all session, to see and to be seen.

Outcome of it, saw handful of cute gay guys. One got inspired to hit the gym, one is now deeply focusing on his career, one is changing his lifestyle and one more got his desperation for relationship cut down.I am assuming the latter one is no longer that desperate anymore.

So, when will the social get-together outing be?

Let's hit the club, can?

What I Did For Love

The lyric says all...

Want to Play

I still don't get it whether it is me or the problem just lies in other people.

Human nature I supposed.

So I was just telling him that I will be going back home this coming week. All out of the sudden, he gave a very not genuine answer. Doubting and pausing a moment before answering me. I am alright, I am just being friendly cause I remembered one time when I was back and I didn't tell him. He sort of like a little "unhappy" but then what can I do? Didn't know you really put care in this friendship.

This time round, I told you and you said  "Sure we can meet up. I think I can meet up with you". And that's supposed to make me happy? No, not really as I am not forcing you to see me. I am okay with it as the reason I go back is for family. Minutes later, you gave the expected answer. Trying to be that-kind-of-guy a.k.a player/jerk and at the same time a concerned friend, told me that you will be away and not in town. Fine, I am no desperate gay.

It's not that I need you to fuck me (though I really need a good fuck now) inside out. Now that I know, do you think I even care?

Just don't want to over analyze.

Push Push

I have been pushing myself really to the extreme. Yup, did those things and somehow still not learning from it. I got to know someone, and I am looking forward to chat with him soon, again.

Check out the video below, somehow he managed to make a real good first impression.



Hopefully it will be more than this.

Statements

A few things been circling my mind:

1. On mom seeing him. Mom sort of saw him. Mom asked "Who is that guy". I lied, I told her that was my ex-colleague. She said "How come so mature-looking". I don't really know what to say. I called mom the next day, she asked again. Asking me the friend I am with. She asked me to be more careful in the people I am mixing with. It's hard to trust people nowadays. Guilty, as part of me not taking in mom's advice.

2. On BFF. So, I saw your friend. You introduced me to him. I said hi and smiled. We didn't chat that much. Now I am thinking, best friends don't go fucking people together. It's just weird.

3. On the chat with Plan B. Mixed feelings. Not sure what he is thinking right now. I talked to him about Plan A. He seems surprised as me & A still keep in touch. I am not trying to make him jealous. Plan B told me, I don't need a new guy to get over Plan A. I showed him Plan A picture, commented nothing as he doesn't really know A. Plan B said "Don't think too much, every time before making decision regarding Plan A..better think twice".

Now, should I be hoping? All I'll have to voice out, Listen

Shoot Me

Yes. Literally, please shoot me. I don't care if it's with your cum or a gun. Just shoot me.

I am desperately needing new batch of pictures to channel my inner diva out to my Facebook account. This is why I need someone to shoot me with a camera. I have been craving for a "top-model" photo shoot for sometime.

Since the lost of my camera, I have been begging around to ask my friends to help me out with this. Finally and if I am able to wake up on time tomorrow, I think I will be doing a photo shoot just for myself. High fashion will be the inspiration, I just can't wait for the finishing outcome. Of course it will look much better once it's been touched up in Photoshop. Hehe..call me fake...

Alright then, catching my beauty sleep now.

Blowing Candles

Oh man, you got to be gay to be so overly dramatic.

I am not sure, but sometimes I do think that only gays fancy lavish dinner party.

There's one thing that I think I sort dislike - birthday dinner party! Yes, indeed this is an annually thing but then seriously I don't really give a damn on this as I myself don't expect people to go celebrating it for me. I mean, why only once a year go for fabulous dinner when you can be fabulous all year round? Weird right, or just trying to save up?

I hate it as most of the time when we want to get social, few people will tend to drift away, not wanting to participate. Hello honey, it takes money to gain a social life. So you decide upon yourself whether you want to have a life or not.

No one can buy you a social life unless you spend it on your own.

Blowing the candle seems fun, but trust me till you suck a dick the taste is whole lot more different.

Happy Birthday!!!

...

Bored of me? I think so.

That perfectly explained why there seems to be a communication cut-off. I tried, tried to ignore but then every time when you throw the bait back at me..I will just go bite it. I am seriously fallen too deep into your trap and don't know how to get back up. Probably, I will just let myself remain lost and sad, depressed in a way not getting your love. Don't worry, I am willing to let you hurt me.

It's not the lie that you are saying, because I don't really think that you are lying to me. Sometimes I just wished that you would be honest to me - telling me straight to my face. I have seen much more greater lie, but not going to apply it to you.

I have told you, it's love at first sight. First time I laid my eyes on you, I said to myself "I like you". Got to talk to you and moment later, I said to you "I like you". You asked me to take it easy, take time to know you better. I did, I tried but then you are not making your interest.

Love is a two way thing, I am halfway there. Where are you, are you going to be at the end of the road which I am traveling now?

Feeling Unprotected

It's freaking scary to me right now.

Can't really diagnose the problem, but then for sure safe-sex helps.

Let's just pray to god that it's just a normal lump and normal inflammation. Not so painful now down there, but I am not liking what I am seeing now.

And just that one time, hurts me a lot.

Regretted, and be careful please!

I (Un)Do

Wedding bells, two souls, perfect setting and a chapel aisle.

That's a wedding a girl would dream of. I am not a girl, and I fall for a guy.

I am supposed to forget about you, move on and live a happy life for myself. I tried before for nearly a month, not to think about you. I succeeded but then, you resurfaced to my life. At that time, not sure whether I am scared, shocked or pleased. All I knew was that just glad to hear from you again.

That was then. Once in a while, on and off we sort of keep in touch. 2-3 months into the future, I am getting the same treatment all over again. Whenever you throw the bait, it seems to me that I am the one who came crawling back to get hook again. I thought I am like some kind of fish who swims against the current. No I am not, I follow the flow..the rhythm you set for me. I hate it and I hate this part right here.

Today was the ultimate indication. No reply, no interest. I think you are cutting me off from your communication. I am alright though a little sad. I must move on, really let go and I don't want to hang on any longer.

Someone out there, please help me get out of this misery.

Thank you.

Get Outta My Way

Leave you, move on to a perfect stranger.

This song is so empowering to me at the moment. Feeling much better.

Watch the video.

Click here for the lyrics.

Get out of my way!

Picture Perfect Not

Smile and pose for the camera. Flash! Flash!

So last Merdeka eve I went clubbing. Surrounded by mostly men, all of us danced all night long tough the music wasn't really that inspiring to channel my inner diva out on the the dance floor. I saw lots of familiar faces. From those I've seen through their Facebook profile till those pictures of theirs in the gay social network site.

Always that preppy and image well groomed. But then when I looked at them face to face in real life, my heart wasn't so eager anymore as what I see in picture and in real life was not the same at all. It made me think of all kind of things people would do to the extreme in order to project a like-able image.

Some will play with angles while taking pictures and only published those considered the "best" while some will resort to using Photoshop to edit the obvious flaws. I think it's alright, as long as it don't change you to a complete different person. What to do, human eyes are attracted to look at beautiful things naturally.

Now that you know, I will have to admit that methods above apply to me as well. Playing with angles and photo-editing my pictures. Can't help it, as I find it pleasuring.