Sunday Stroll

I am doing alright. Don't worry.

Today I headed over to town. It's been some time since I paraded myself proudly along the streets of KL. It's so good to see and be seen. Despite wanting to get myself a casual back use for casual outing, somehow nothing in the malls attracted me. So in the end, it was just purely window shopping for me and my dearest friend.

Although my life is sort of empty right now, I guess I will have to deal with it and carry my life the way it's supposed to be. If I want to make myself happy, then don't think about the sadness. If I want to have more money to spend, then try to save up and spend wisely. If I want myself a relationship, then don't force and look for it as it will come naturally when the time comes.

Arghh..I don't know how to describe my feelings anymore. I just want to indulge myself in a calm facial mask, think of what to wear for work tomorrow and then probably retreat to my comfortable bed and rest early.

This sums up my Sunday!

Nice Knowing You

I am moving on, and that is without you.

I have decided to make myself happy and not letting the sadness to control my life. Not worth it! I used to put hope, one day waiting for some possibilities to blossom. But then, I have waited long enough and decided to put a stop to it now.

Yes, indeed I will never understand you as all these while I have been assuming that everything is possible. Never also you have given me an honest chance to really connect with you. Now that I know that the past months were absolute fantasy, happily ever after will never come. I don't want to be stuck in the dreamland and I don't want to fantasize anymore. I just can't afford to live in the deceivingly denial realm of yours.

It's time to act and it's time to make myself happy.

Sincere apologies from me to you, for giving me this experience.

Thank you and nice knowing you...

Goodbye Pa

Goodbye Pa, we'll be missing you.

My dad passed away two Saturdays ago. Unexpected, feeling sad. Shocked by the news simply because I myself didn't even know that he was back home. He was riding his bike, out of control and he fell. His head knocked on the roadside metal divider, severely injured. He died few minutes later at the scene.

That was not the usual route that he would normally used.

Mom called. Surprised at first, stunned for a moment while trying to accept the fact that my father left us.

Once again, this took a turn on my life. I am at crossroad. Don't really know how to continue my life, not that I am giving up. I just need to decide on better options in my life. Whichever way, I'll need to make crucial decisions once again.

Thank you Pa for everything, and don't worry, we'll take good care of ourselves. May you rest in peace.

Proud to have you as my father.

Theory to A Successful Gay Life

So I have this little theory.

To be successful in life, you will have to endure suffering. True enough, I am suffering real badly right now. I am over the phase of being cheap and desperate. The only issue clinging to my mind right now will be work. Just like previous entry, I am not sure whether this is healthy or not.

Relating to my fabulous rainbow journey, it seems that nowadays I am opening up to more and more people, especially to my colleagues. Somehow, I am guessing that I am tired of hiding in the closet. It's time, and the time is now. Expressing your life to others, is just so relieving - at least when we are exchanging thoughts. Although to only a couple of people I am out to in the office, the rest still seems fine with my personality.

So, back to this theory of mine. I noticed that in order to be a successful gay guy in town, I am observing that you must have a dual personalities. Yup, no point opening up to everyone and still fails to grab their attention. I have tested it out, twice actually and so far my theory seems still to be working fine. Again, I am in doubt simply because I am always aware that no matter how careful you are in hiding yourself, the colors will be revealed in the end.

Perhaps I should be thinking of a new name, a new personality, and a new life to carry on.

Just a theory!

Your Words

Life is tough.

At a certain point you just want to give up. Leave all things behind, take a leap and start anew. Moment like this, you will usually find someone comfortable enough to share the sorrow together.

To be honest, I am not sure which one to concentrate at this very moment. Forcing myself to search for love or stressing myself with work. I know I am paid to handle stress and I am pretty aware that you can't really put force in love.

I am reminiscing those memories. Phrases like "no, it's not a one night thing", "cool, we can hang out more often, perhaps for a movie", "keep in touch", "sometimes I like you too" and so on. Tired and it seems meaningless to me. Again, sick of it and glad to go through the much needed experience. So, what now? Should I be feeling angry, stupid or sad? Nothing much I can do as all of these were the past.

One thing I learnt is to take time and plenty of patience in doing things. Not easy, but at least it would be better. For now, I am just going to sleep and I know when I wake up tomorrow, it will be a beautiful day for me. Beautiful days that might turn out to be a wonderful week ahead.

Fingers crossed, nothing to fear.

Have a great week ahead, everyone!

Commander

I am fearing to go back to work. I know this is not healthy and perhaps that's the indication to just switch.

Well, putting that aside as it's next week's problem to tackle, I have found myself latest tune to keep me sane and a little stress-free. Check out the video below. Commander by Kelly Rowland featuring David Guetta.



Dance, dance, groove, groove. I need a commander now, where are you?

Advertise Me

Shutting off the music playing in the background. Madonna! I find myself much more expressive in terms of writing when the environment is quiet.

It's been a stressful week so far. One more day to go, and it's another wonderful weekend that I'll be living in. I am not really sure about work right now. Getting things done, executed it in a way I would seems to make someone angry and unhappy. Blame who? I am here to work, and you are here to work as well. So why not, hire the necessary people to work on things which are actually out of my scope? Trying to be helpful, trying to learn and trying to take the initiative to do more work weren't the correct move after all.

Trust me, advertising line can be bitchy. Quote from my immediate superior "Most of the time, you are trying to tweak and turn the facts in order to make it believable". How true is it, I don't really have the answer. All I am sure about is the glitz, glamor and fame this field pulled me into. To me, getting to manage a campaign and in the end being viewed by the masses gives me the ultimate satisfaction out of the work stress. Well, but then again, before I can reach to that level of satisfaction, there are indeed a lot of room for me to improve on.

Whatever it is, being in my position sucks. Sandwiched between the client as well as the creative team, you are the punching bag. You see, unlike sex - being sandwiched is good. Anything goes wrong, you are the first they will be looking for.

Weird, where is my Mr.Right then? When will he be looking for me? Hehe..